Friday, October 29, 2010

The Profile of a Miser

We have all met them at one time or another, they could be a relative, a friend, a co-worker and god forbid a parent or a spouse! Yup the title says it all, I'm talking about misers. Those human beings who are a perennial pain in the ass. You can mock them, yell at them, put em in a freezer, but misers don't change their stripes.

Their goal is to live frugally and die rich, so other people will benefit from their hoarded wealth. Hmm maybe in that case they are martyrs then....? living below their means for the benefit of future generations.....? Well they might prove to be posthumous saints for the beneficiaries of their wealth, but for the people who actually have to put up with them, live with them, stomach them, it's a different story all together.

Considering that I have had the privilege of encountering a few of these gem like beings, I was inspired to write the following. It's the almost complete list of traits that most misers possess. Mind you this is not something that I came up with overnight, it's the result of years of study and careful observation. The psychologists of the future are going to thank me for this someday........I'm certain.

Well here's my list, move over Scrooge McDuck!!

[ Note: Men are not the only ones who are misers, but for the purpose of this post, I shall use the term 'he'.]

1. Lives in a small house, spartan like living, but probably has five double-storey bungalows rented out.

2. Almost never eats out unless it costs less than ten bucks.

3. He drives the same beaten up car for years. In some cases he will entirely depend on public transport to get around ( the costs of fuel is ever rising).

4. Hates it when he gets ill. Medical costs these days is so.....expensive, even if all it takes is a visit to the neighbourhood GP.

5. He wants a discount on everything and he's not kidding!

6. Will always worm his way out of chipping in for anything. At his most generous, he makes a small contribution. Which in normal terms means a measly amount.

7. The way he sees it, people are always out to cheat him of his money. Once he has gotten this notion into his head, no amount of logic will convince him otherwise.

8.  He sees only one truth, if he has to fork out money for something he does not want to, he is being swindled. The miser will come up with the most ridiculous of explanations to justify this, for example he might even blame the malfunctioning toilet flush for conspiring against him. Ignoring the fact that there is little the toilet flush can do with a wad of cash!

9. He will invest his precious cash, but even when his investments are yielding profit, he will constantly whine about imaginary losses.

10. Never takes holidays, but with the advent of AirAsia, he will book his tickets a year in advance and harbour secrets hopes of seeing the world on a shoestring budget.

I am not done yet, this is a growing list......!!

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