Friday, October 29, 2010

The Profile of a Miser

We have all met them at one time or another, they could be a relative, a friend, a co-worker and god forbid a parent or a spouse! Yup the title says it all, I'm talking about misers. Those human beings who are a perennial pain in the ass. You can mock them, yell at them, put em in a freezer, but misers don't change their stripes.

Their goal is to live frugally and die rich, so other people will benefit from their hoarded wealth. Hmm maybe in that case they are martyrs then....? living below their means for the benefit of future generations.....? Well they might prove to be posthumous saints for the beneficiaries of their wealth, but for the people who actually have to put up with them, live with them, stomach them, it's a different story all together.

Considering that I have had the privilege of encountering a few of these gem like beings, I was inspired to write the following. It's the almost complete list of traits that most misers possess. Mind you this is not something that I came up with overnight, it's the result of years of study and careful observation. The psychologists of the future are going to thank me for this someday........I'm certain.

Well here's my list, move over Scrooge McDuck!!

[ Note: Men are not the only ones who are misers, but for the purpose of this post, I shall use the term 'he'.]

1. Lives in a small house, spartan like living, but probably has five double-storey bungalows rented out.

2. Almost never eats out unless it costs less than ten bucks.

3. He drives the same beaten up car for years. In some cases he will entirely depend on public transport to get around ( the costs of fuel is ever rising).

4. Hates it when he gets ill. Medical costs these days is so.....expensive, even if all it takes is a visit to the neighbourhood GP.

5. He wants a discount on everything and he's not kidding!

6. Will always worm his way out of chipping in for anything. At his most generous, he makes a small contribution. Which in normal terms means a measly amount.

7. The way he sees it, people are always out to cheat him of his money. Once he has gotten this notion into his head, no amount of logic will convince him otherwise.

8.  He sees only one truth, if he has to fork out money for something he does not want to, he is being swindled. The miser will come up with the most ridiculous of explanations to justify this, for example he might even blame the malfunctioning toilet flush for conspiring against him. Ignoring the fact that there is little the toilet flush can do with a wad of cash!

9. He will invest his precious cash, but even when his investments are yielding profit, he will constantly whine about imaginary losses.

10. Never takes holidays, but with the advent of AirAsia, he will book his tickets a year in advance and harbour secrets hopes of seeing the world on a shoestring budget.

I am not done yet, this is a growing list......!!

Sunday, October 17, 2010

The landlord's Bible says....

1. Structural damage is your responsibility, even if it happens during the occupancy of the tenant.

2.  On a random visit, if you walk in and see a well maintained home ( note that I say home and not house), be grateful. Because this shows that your tenants' are treating your property as if it were their own. Take into consideration that there are a fair number of tenants out there who get a kick out of thrashing up a place during their stay and literally leave the property in shambles when they leave.

3. You're lucky if you have tenants who pay their rent within the stipulated time period (by the 7th in tenancy agreements). You are even more LUCKY if you have a tenant like me who pays you by the 3rd of the month. I say this because I have heard my fair share of horror stories of landlords who have to chase their tenants for rent.

4. When it comes to fixing something that needs to be fixed in the said property, do it! don't go on a long rant about how you have financial problems and are not making money out of the rented property blah..blah... That's not your tenant's fault and they won't be interested in hearing your lame excuses. A tenant pays you rent monthly for a property that should be in good working order, so if there's a leaking pipe, tap etc, it's your duty to get it fixed!

5. Oh and lastly, if you want to come over to check something or get plumbing or construction work done, it has to be at the convenience and leisure of your tenant. You have absolutely no right to turn up at their doorstep at any time and expect to be entertained. There's no law on this, but it's pure common sense and oh yes, basic courtesy.

Why am I ranting away about things that  are so um....taken for granted with regards to property rental? It's because I have the misfortune of having a landlord who struggles cerebrally to grasp these basic facts. I am half tempted to email him this rant, but I fear and have long suspected that he struggles with language too.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Not on a Diet!!

I am tired of being asked if I am on a diet! I am not on a diet nor have I ever been on one.

Why would someone who is as skinny as me go on a diet? If I was on one, I must be either anorexic or bulimic which I am not.

I am thin because I have a high metabolic rate. I have always been a skinny girl, even as a child. I am neither ill nor on a diet, I just happen to be rather thin.

And newsflash, I am not the only one of my kind out there. Believe it or not, some of those ultra skinny people walking around probably have a very good appetite and eat all their meals. I know a few myself.

Just as there are people who eat and remain scrawny, there are those who eat sparingly and are still overweight. So not all large people are gorging themselves out, and not all the skinny ones are eating like birds. Sometimes people just can't help the way they look.

I was brought up to eat healthy and at the same time not to deny myself the good stuff.  As much as I love my oats and green tea, I am a sucker for desserts and calorie rich north indian cuisine.

As my body shows no sign of piling on the kilos despite my current sedentary lifestyle, I am bracing myself for more of: "Why so thin? are you on a diet?"  Sigh....