Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Spit



Sometimes I wonder if there are aliens amongst us. These aliens look normal enough, like everyday people they trudge about this busy city. They drive cars, lorries, trucks and motorcycles, they wait at bus-stops, they walk on the pavements, they use pedestrian bridges, well in short you see them almost everywhere and there is not a thing that distinguishes us from them, except of course for one characteristic that sets them apart from us normal people. They spit in public. It is a habit more than a need, and they have no qualms doing it literally in your face!

I imagine they have bigger saliva glands than us. Nope in fact they have several of these glands that constantly emits a substantial portion of saliva that threatens to flood their mouth and choke them, which is why they constantly spit about. When your mouth is constantly flooding over with saliva all the time, you just don't have the liberty of waiting till you get to the washroom, the need to spurt that extra liquid out is ever so urgent.

Now that is why ever so often you would see a perfectly well dressed middle-aged lady standing at the bus-stop who all of a sudden goes "hork-hork" and out comes a glob of liquid that lands next to the foot of the unfortunate person next to her. Many a time that unfortunate and horrified spectator has been me. The lady in question makes no effort to apologise, totally at ease by her very irregular act. Now how can someone do something so perfectly disgusting and remain so cool about it? Reason being? It is as normal as twitching one's nose or flicking one's hair where she comes from. Yep that planet where the aliens all have very active saliva glands. Ah and they thought they had us fooled with the human get-up!



The city council is aware that the spitting menace is a problem. They do what they can of course, the result being some ineffectual signboards here and there forbidding the act. The menace however continues to grow and thrive as more of these alien beings flock to the city. Look out of the bus window, and chances are you will see the man in the car next to the bus winding down his window and spitting out a glob that lands spat on the road. You then wonder to yourself, "why did I have to look out of the window at that moment?" the thing is it is no longer about looking out of the window at the wrong moment. In fact each time you decide to catch some scenery, be prepared to see some alien in the process of easing themselves of excess saliva.

The ensuing result is that the city is splattered with unhealthy gobs of saliva almost everywhere you look, especially in public places such as lifts, bus stops, toilets and especially the roads and pavements. One has to continually look out or risk having the spit of aliens sticking to your footwear. But it is impossible to always look at the ground when you walk, so the unpalatable fact is that each and every one of us carry some amount of this alien secretion on the soles of our shoes.

No comments: